My first time I can remember like it was yesterday. I remember the outfit he wore that night. I can remember smelling his bomb ass cologne. The look in his eyes when he saw me the first time as he came out of my closet doors . So mysterious, but yet calm and comforting. You ask for a hug, it's our first touch. Weve kept a whole year to get to know each other and plan a way for you to sneak into my room... I never knew that sending you that MySpace message would have been the biggest impact in my life . It didn't lead right up to it . You were a gentleman and waited til I was ready. Ready for my first time.

Yea I know I planned out my first time.... get over it.

It was planned for him , and specifically him to take my virginity away. I refused many other guys who have "tried" to, but *Aye was the one for me . He had it all.... but he lost me. He got to comfortable and I started to feel used and unloved. I left him. Something that I thought was beautiful was just a disaster waiting to happen .

But tonite I just found out that he's getting married and has a kid planned . And let me tell you even tho my relationship with *Aye was shit I'm still a little hurt that he's getting married !? Or maybe it's because he's only known the girl for a year and a half and when we were together we were going on for 6 years !!!!!! And no ring or nothing !!! Oh but yet he moved out with girl and not me !??

I'm torn right now .

What do I do ? What should I feel ?

By the way im actually finding all this info out because he's messaging me as I write this !