Am I crazy or is how I feel valid??

Question

My boyfriend has developed a friendship with a female work colleague whom I have never met & only found out they were "friends" as he tells me, when I received annonymous txt a saying they were actually sleeping together and more than friends.

When I told him about they txts he denied anything was going on and said it must be down to someone I knew!!

I have since discovered that they are texting each other regularly and sometimes up to 30 times in one day!

I have told him my views and concerns and he said they are just friends and the issue is my problem as nothing is going on and the fact that we are together and he comes home every night should be enough to reassure me.

His phone is his best friend and never leaves his side and also has a passcode.

I have asked to meet this other woman to ease my fears but have been told it would be embarrassing for him.

Please help

Are my fears irrational??

We have been together since 17 and are now 34 and have been trying for a baby but I am in such a high state of anxiety that I fear after over twelve months of trying to conceive until these issues are resolved I will never relax enough to get pregnant.

Answer

Your concerns sound valid. Having a passcode on your phone isn't a crime (it's actually good security should you lose it), but him refusing to introduce her to you or anything because you would "embarrass him" is a HUGE RED FLAG.

Answer

Most of the time I think woman on this app need to relax and let their men breath. That being said-you are completely valid in how you're feeling. That anonymous text was probably the other woman laughing in your face. Your man clearly has no respect for you because if he did he'd be handling this differently. The fact he won't allow you to meet his "friend" says there's a reason you two shouldn't be in the same space. I'd speak with him again and tell him that it's not okay for him to disregard your feelings. You've been together a long time-So id also suggest counseling. You need to be firm-right now he's walking all over you.

Answer

No your fears are completely rational. I would definitely be upset with him if I were in your position

Answer

If he won't let you meet her that's a big red flag in my book. Idc if my SO talks to women, but 30 texts a day and having a kung-fu grip on his pass code protected phone would be a huge no go for me. Your concerns are definitely valid.

Answer

Definitely valid.. you should definitely be able to meet her or something is going on.

Answer

There is no such thing as just a friend.

Answer

Sounds like there is definitely cause for concern. I would tell him his options are: 1) stop contacting her outside of work 2) let me meet her 3) take the password lock off your phone if you have nothing to hide 4) get to steppin

Answer

Looks like something for War of the Roses.

Answer

Two can play at that game :) get a male friend see how he likes it! (Y)

Answer

It would be utterly ridiculous to expect him not to talk to other women. It would be extremely controlling anf overbearing of you to demand he have no female friends.

That said, it's really fishy of him to not want you guys to meet, to be son protective of his phone, and to be texting her so consistently daily (if it was off and on - like 30 one day, 10 the next, a few days without, etc - that's  reasonable I think), and to brush off your concerns like that.

Try talking to him again with any accusations  (because he'll probably be more receptive that way). If he stays so secretive with her after expressing your feelings as neutrally as possible, you probably have a problem.

Am I crazy or is how I feel valid??

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