baby heartbreak


Please don't judge my journey. I'm 19 years old. I had my first miscarriage when I was 14. I was so young and completely unprepared for a baby but that didn't change the fact that I instantly fell in love with my child and would do anything for him/her. I am 19 now and have lost 6 babies in total. I keep trying to be seen by a doctor but they refuse to see me even though I've told them my story, and they won't see me because I'm not 21 yet. How messed up is that?! I do not know for sure but I think I have endometriosis. Its common in my family and I show symptoms. All I want right now is to be healthy and have a healthy family of my own. Especially since my entire family has disowned me for not believing in God. I have my reasons and I'm making my way through life. I know that theres a chance I'll have to adopt to have my own family. I'm ok with that. I'd love those kids as my own. However, my boyfriend says he could never love a child he didn't help create. That breaks my heart. Especially when he knows how important having kids is to me. It kills me everyday to see my friends around me having kids and getting married. I want a child more than anything. I work my butt off at work and save as much as I can to be completely prepared for a child. I have saved my own baby clothes for my future children. I'm hurting and no one around me can see it. Venting over.