Advice / my story

If I could give any of you one piece of advice I'd be do NOT do something just because your other half/ partner wants you to, just to make them happy. You need to make yourself happy, put yourself first and don't be afraid to put your foot down. I'm saying this because I nearly let my boyfriend sway me into getting an abortion and it made me so mentally and physically ill.

I found out I was pregnant in March 17 (about 7 weeks pregnant if I remember correctly) at first he was so happy, but within a few weeks that changed completely and he was now forcing me to get an abortion as I was going to "fuck his whole life up". Everyday he used to black mail me, saying how he's gonna leave me, his family is going to hate me, he won't stick around or have anything to do with the baby and just being generally horrible towards me. This resided in my head so badly that I started thinking maybe an abortion is the right thing to do.

One of the saddest moments I remember is phoning up the doctors, cancelling my midwife appointment and them asking me if I need to reschedule it and I said 'no'. I got off the phone and cried so hard I made myself so sick, I was heart broken. I knew I wanted this baby but making him happy seemed the best idea.

I went ahead and got a abortion referral from a clinic, by this point I had major anxiety and I was so depressed. When i wasnt at work, i'd sit in my bedroom and cry for hours. I hardly could keep anything down from morning sickness and anxiety. When I went in I had to make sure I acted normally so they didn't think I had been pressured into it.

2 days before the abortion date, I decided to make the decision that I wasn't going to be bullied by him anymore and I cancelled the abortion without telling him. I knew they do a quick ultrasound before giving you the pill to see how far along you are, I knew for well that I wouldn't be able to go through with it. I would of been in pieces and at 9/10 weeks I couldn't go through with that.

The night before the abortion date, I told him that i'd cancelled it and he went mental. He phoned up his mum and told her. She told him I was a waste of space and he should never speak to me again. He told me to try rebook it, I was in floods of tears, being sick & hyperventilating. He told me that he just "wanted that thing out of me"

We got to his dad's house. They were so lovely and supportive, we slept there overnight, I was crying the WHOLE night. My boyfriend proceeded to go mental at me, I just sat in their kitchen crying my eyes out until his step mum and dad came over to me and hugged me. They knew straight away I wanted to keep the baby. They told my partner what's what: He couldn't change my decision, because it's my body and essentially my baby.

It wasn't an easy road from there but I'm already so in love with our baby that all the arguments and tears were oddly worth it. I'm 21+ weeks now, I feel my baby move everyday. Me and my boyfriend are still together, we now have our own place and have settled down. It took time but we got there in the end. I will be 20 when the baby is here. Yes, I get we may be young but to black mail and pressure me is completely unacceptable.

However, sometimes I still sit and cry as I feel like such a crap mum for even contemplating having an abortion. Ever since I saw that positive on the test, I've been so in love with our little baby that how I could even THINK of not having him/her is beyond me.

If you're going through a similar scenario please think about what YOU want.

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