Dear family...

From 9 months old until now, I've always been the black sheep. You've always made me feel like there was something wrong with me, and like I didn't belong. You thought I had autism because I barely talked as a 4 year old, but then I punished me when I talked too much as I got older.

To my dad...

You became my dad at 9 months old, but from 3 years old and on, you took advantage of me sexually, and I didn't think anything of it because I was so young. You called me horrible names, and used me, but I was always there for you, and somehow I still love you. You controlled me, held me down, and wanted to keep me to make me your perfect woman. You never once took into consideration what I wanted for my own life because you had it all mapped out for me.

To my mom...

How could you let him abuse me?? How could you use me as your security blanket just to keep him around so he could continue paying for things for you?? How could you tell me to stop calling you my mom?? How could you tell me that the dad I grew up with wasn't my biological dad and lie to me my entire life and make me believe he was?? How could you try to sabotage the life I've created for myself knowing I'm happy?? How could you tell me my sisters were better than me?? How could you tell me to get out of your house at 16 years old?? How could you literally strangle me in front of my baby brothers?? You have scarred me and left marks on my mind, heart, and body for the rest of my life, and while I may forgive you, I will never forget what you did to me all those years. You are my mother biologically, but you are not my mom.

To my husband...

I love you so much for taking care of me and supporting me and waiting for me for that year and a half. Even when it seemed impossible, you were still there to lift me up. You kept me grounded, and the thought of you kept me from killing myself that day. I could say so much more, but those words shall remain just between us.

To the man who raped me...

You were supposed to be my best friend... a church-going man who I cared about. But then you drank a little too much, and took advantage of me. You got me pregnant, and I suffered from an ectopic pregnancy, and almost committed suicide. And what happened to you?? Absolutely nothing. You got off scotch free and I will never forgive you. I don't know what else to say.

Life hasn't been easy, but it's been worth it because of the way my life is now, and God's grace and mercy. It's been a tough ride, but I'm thankful for it all, and will continue to follow God because His love always prevails over all of the sin and evil in this forsaken world.

Love,

Me