I continued to see my rapist...help!

Hi everyone! I hate the R word... but 5 years ago at age 17 I was raped by a 24 year old who I had a crush on from work. We were hanging out on his couch and shared a kiss when he pulled out a condom and I told him no I'm not ready to do that. He would sneak and try to open it but I kept telling him I didn't want it. He didn't listen. He ripped my pants off anyway, dragged me to his room and held me down. I said no about 15 times. I couldn't fight him because he was bigger than me. When it was over I cried on the way home and cried myself to sleep but never told anyone. Apparently he felt like he did nothing wrong because he would continuously call & text asking why I was ignoring him & if he did something wrong. I was in denial about what happened and ended up going back to see him. I'm not sure why, maybe because "we got it over with" but I continued sleeping with him and developed a relationship with him. I say "got it over with" because I hadn't had sex in years and at the time that logic helped me deal with what had happened. It makes me feel so stupid for not reporting the incident and continuing to see him.

Prior to him, I lost my virginity at 14 with a boyfriend but hadn't had sex since then (about 3 years) and I told him that. Why would he think on our second time hanging out and years of no sex that I wanted to give myself to him? I was still semi innocent and he stole from me. I wanted my next sexual experience to be with someone special. I feel like that experience has ruined my judgement and my ability to have normal relationships. (If you read my last post you'll see I'm in a toxic relationship). I became a little promiscuous after that and wasn't as selfish with my body when before that day I was so reserved and could date guys without wanting sex.

I cry from time to time thinking about that day and how I never got the help I needed. I didn't value myself as much anymore. Although it's 5 years later and I continued to see him, I still want to confront him. I want to tell him what he did to me was wrong but I don't think he will take me seriously because I continued to see him after.

I never told my mom when it happened because I feared she would say something like "well you shouldn't have been over there" and I still haven't told her to this day because I fear she will say something like "well that's why you have so many issues" and that's exactly what my older sister said in so many words. She doesn't know but it hurt to hear her say something like that whether it's true or not.

Any advice how to deal with confronting him? Anyone had a situation like this and got closure? Thank you.

Update: I want to confront him because I want him to acknowledge what he did was wrong and I want him to apologize to me.