Suicide?

Basically my bf liked this girl (her name will be cece) n he just had a crush on cece but he said he loved me n he said she has nice boobs n pretty eyes n he likes her hair I mean I don't have boobs my hair is short n I mean both of our eyes are brown but she's white n I'm black n I don't think I'm what he wants granted he liked her months ago I went through their messages n he said he doesn't know why he was with me n how my insecurities are unattractive and liek we are together now but things at home aren't the best my mom abuses me n my sisters hate men I'm all alone n he's all I have n I want to forgive him but it's always that little voice in my head saying "just give up, ur not worth it, ur ugly, u should just kys" and I don't know what to do I can't hang on to life much longer n I just want to kill myself now. My bf treats me amazing he always buys me things he's there emotionally n physically but when he gets mad he gets MADD and calls me names but then instantly regrets it after but knowing he had a crush on her doesn't help the thoughts of me killing myself n now that we all go to the same highschool doesn't help n I don't want to look stupid n be the last to know ab him liking her so.. idk what to do anymore...