Lost My Faith

I am done. Fuck this so called God! If he exists why do drug addicts I used to call friends get pregnant only to get kids taken away? Why do people get children by lying and being cruel? Why can't so many good people get pregnant? I know I have my faults but I am tires of crying every month and laying down to bed every night of my period in tears knowing I failed! So screw my faith I will let the devil win. I am not strong enough for this BS! My dad has a stroke, my marriage failed, I find someone amazing , and I can't get pregnant no matter what we do and my doctor has no idea Why!! I do my best to give and be a better person than the day before and I can't get myself anywhere. I know I struggle with a purpose but screw a purpose when so many undeserving people get a blessing that I can't even fathom only to screw it up. I wanted it so bad now I do not even want to be seen, to be loved, or even care about myself anymore. Damn this sucks. I want to be stronger than this but I can't anymore. I am hiding away for now. Baby dust to all the ones with hope still alive...I hope you get your chance!