21st birthday conflicted feelings

I turn 21 next week and I honestly don't want to celebrate at all or with anyone. I have two good friends, one of which I was unable to attend her birthday as I was traveling (FOR the other friend's graduation which she didn't make it to because she flunked the day after I bought my effing ticket) and was unable to give a gift because I was and still am tight on money. My other friend I celebrated with on her birthday but wasn't able to go to the club she went to (nor did I really care to) so I made her a birthday sash and a "hangover hat" both turned out super cute and she was dying for a sash so it worked out. The first friend had me help her plan it, the second I'm pretty sure wouldn't have even included me had I not asked what she was doing the week before. Here I am 5 days away from mine and neither has asked or anything, they're both honestly kind of checked out lately. I have a third friend I'm not AS close with but we were closer, who had moved away for school and checked out on me even with me checking in with her to see how she was doing multiple times but now that she is home and unable to drive has asked a favor for me to drive her and I'm pretty sure she's just using me. My sister is a piece of work. My brother has a bromance with my abusive ex. I told my mom that I truly do not want to do anything for my birthday and all she says is "hush I got you 😉" like I don't want to celebrate with any of these people!!!! Am I wrong for that? I understand life happens blah blah maybe I'm just taking shit personal because it seems like I'm there for everyone and when shit flies for me everyone disappears. I don't want to get drunk or to drink at all as I'm still breastfeeding my 7 month old who I'm also not ready to leave or to get into any state of not being able to take care of him. Part of me wants to just take off on my birthday and go to the beach or something and shut off my phone but my mom would probably get upset if she is actually planning anything but she has never done a surprise party or anything for me before so I don't see what she could be doing and I don't want to wait around for nothing. I don't freaking know what the hell to do. I'm just really disappointed in my friends and family and there is just no one and no way I care to celebrate .