Torturing yourself ?

So me and my husband have a lovely little boy who is 18 months old! We have recently started to see what happened and are not using contraceptive ... the plan was to loose all my pregnancy weight but have only managed a stone so far and could do with shifting another 2.. my bmi currently 32.. first question is anyone else had a higher bmi and what was your experience of preg? I suppose I'm worried Midwife's will be harsh to me and may be considered high risk? Whilst trying I will try to eat well and loose weight as gained close to 4 stone with son!

Secondly only been trying for a few weeks and I'm already touring myself by taking test way to early!! And being sad when it's a negative .. we tried for six months with son and every month was the same .. every month loads of tests lots of tears! Why can't I just be chill????

Any one else

Xxxxxxx