Going out of my mind xx

Hi everyone, i really really need some advice, I am going out of my mind. Ive lost 3 children late during pregnancy in the last 4 years. We finally had our rainbow baby in April after a lot of antibiotics and a cervical stitch. He is the most perfect little boy i have ever seen in my life and i love him so much ot hurts. I would literally die for him. So he is 4 months old now and despite being born 5 weeks premature he is thriving and hes huge 😊 6 weeks after birth i started taking the pill and ive had regular periods. I have been really badly moody the past few days so i decided to take a pregnancy test to rule it out, didnt think it would be positive because of the pill but it turned out positive. I am shocked, upset and unhappy. I feel like i am being torn apart. I would LOVE another child but i think its way too soon. If I have this baby then my son is going to miss out on a lot of attention from me and his dad, especially me because i get really poorly during pregnancy. Also im not sure if we would afford another child. We both work full time but struggle a bit. Also i really dont know how i would cope with 2 children so young. I dont think i could do it. My partner is very very supportive, he is an excellent father and is willing to stand by me whatever we choose to do. Ive spoken to my mum who thinks i should have an abortion because of all the above reasons. Last time i was pregnant i was at the hospital at least twice a week and i also had to have an emergency operation. Whos going to look after my son if that happens this time and my partners at work? We cant afford him to lose hours at work and i would also lose hours at work. But then on the other hand. Knowing how much i love my son and how hard it has been to get him, everything i have been through and experienced in the past 4 years has been brutal. I watched my daughter take her last breath in my arms last year and i tried to kill myself several times after that.how am i going to feel if i willingly go and have an abortion? Ive never had such a hard decision to make in my life and i would really really love some advice. I have to make my mind up fast too, im only a few weeks along but if im keeping this baby then i need to start medication asap. Please ladies, what would you do in my situation? X x