I have no one. I am nothing.

I should be happy. I have a perfect baby. I'm caught up on bills better than I have been for years.

I'm so depressed.

I see a psychiatrist for depression, anxiety, and bipolar 1. it just seems worse lately.

I can't sleep. They've even given me ambien for especially bad nights, but it's ineffective.

My mind is constantly reminding me of times I was happy.

I have no one to actually talk to because I get very dark and no one knows what to say. Which I understand, but sometimes I just need to talk it out. I don't need anyone to say anything.

My husband sleeps when I want to talk to him and when I try waking him up... nothing.

I'm so paranoid that some nights I make him check or home to see if anyone has broken in because I KNOW someone has. It's just my mind.

Nothing makes me happy and that makes me feel selfish because of this baby who needs me and deserves the best.

Doctors always told me to never have a baby for this reason.

My baby is perfect and I wouldn't give my baby up for the world and I want to give the world to my baby, but how do I do that feeling this way?

I'm just so depressed. I'm in such a dark place. I'm not sure what can make me happy anymore.

I don't want to join "mom groups" because they make me feel like crap if I do things differently than them and that's not what I need right now. I have a hard enough time even walking to the mailbox anyway, how could I make plans and go through with them in that case?

****i will not hurt myself or anyone else so no need to worry about that. Always have to use that disclaimer.