Jealousy after baby loss

Help, I lost my baby in April 2017and my boyfriends brother had their baby in June 2017☹️. According to my boyfriends family I am wrong for not wanting to go see that baby. And my boyfriend tells me that I'm annoying and that god sees how I am acting. But it's just so hard to want to go see that baby. I just can't put myself to go. Just the thought of going to see that baby makes me have anxiety and make my heart hurt. Am I wrong for not wanting to go see her ? I tried once when she was born and I left the hospital in tears before it was my chance to visit her.