I need help. please.


I came out as bi in seventh grade to only my closest friends. I wasn’t ever taken seriously and the girl I had my first kiss with (3rd grade) denied everything because we were in different friend groups. Then I lost the friends who didn’t take me seriously. I was scared that the same thing was going to happen again with my new friends when I went to high school. I started talking with this beautiful one of a kind amazing person. I was hoping that other people would see her as just a person too. We started flirting with each other, and I decided that I would come out to my new friends as bisexual. Everything went extremely well (YAY!!!) I ended up asking her out later that year. She was truly the girl of my dreams. I had all of my friends and my girlfriend over for my sweet 16 party and a few spent the night. My mom came in to wake us up in the morning and found my girlfriend and I cuddling in a spooning position. At first she thought nothing of it. A few months later my mom took my phone (very strict Christian parents. I’m a Christian too, but they are against anything dealing with gay anything). She read my girlfriends and my messages and listened to the voice mails she had left me. She had a conversation with me about how I was sinning and how she couldn’t live knowing that her daughter would love another woman. I got furious and said things I maybe shouldn’t have... “even if we were doing anything it’s not like she could get me pregnant!”... “why won’t you support me? Its not like this is a choice.” ... a bunch of other generic bs that comes with conservative parents. She took my phone away, and I had no contact with my girlfriend all summer. I missed her to say the least. I would go home and constantly be asked if I still liked girls and told things like “god will punish you for this.” One day she gave me my phone in agreement that I would lose all feelings for her... because it’s that easy. She then made me text her and break up with her and checked my phone every night to make sure there weren’t any girls in my life. I even had to part way with my best friend since preschool. I am now 17 1/2. (Almost out this b. Hallelujah!) but my parents still don’t except me. They are forbidding me from seeing my boyfriend. We are sneaking behind their backs because I don’t know what I’d do without him. I just feel like if I have a good strong relationship they try to take it from me. (Meanwhile my brother who’s in 7th grade has been dating his girlfriend for over a year). I’m sorry for all of the rambling but I can feel myself falling back into depression and I don’t know what to do. I know I’m almost 18 and then I can do what I want, but I need my parents support. I kinda feel like I owe it too them for helping me through some hard times. If you have any advice or words please help. I really need it.