Drowning

I'm not literally drowning. I'm pretty sure I have depression, no I've never been diagnosed I've always been to scared that my parents wouldn't expect me if I was. I've been dealing with this since I was eight years old. It can get really tough sometimes especially when I just want to give up. I don't know what to do anymore. I've always felt like I can't be depressed, that it's selfish for me to be. In my household I'm the oldest child and have the most responsibility. I feel like I'm letting everyone down and that I'm not good enough to be in the family. I've always felt this way since I could remember. I really do love my family and don't want to hurt them. I can't help but feel like I'm drowning because of things I can't really control.