Having an affair 3 years ago was the biggest regret. It was the one thing I thought I'd truly never do. It wasn't who I am as a woman. I considered myself better than that. However my affair with Him became the undoing of who I always thought I was. It was the removal of the innermost layer of self righteousness that kept me from being one of those people.
In this way of absolutely ridding myself of my self-image I learned genuine compassion for human beings. I learned not to be so quick to judge or judge harshly. Everyone's circumstances are different and now I'm much less quick to judge people and their life styles.
There's always a reason for beginning an affair and it relates to some issue in your relationship. It's far better to face that issue first. You don't just find yourself having an affair or end up in bed with someone. Bc you think someone is sexy, you were bored, or even that you are to high to stop. It's your choice, but it's a choice that can completely destroy you. Before it's too late take a look at what's missing or unfulfilling in your relationship, why that is, and whether you can or even want to do something about it bc you want to stay. Bc I know I'm not going continue to look after and worry about someone I don't want to be with. It's better to try fixing your relationship, or end it then do something like I did. You know if you want out and really love that person or ever did then leave before you hurt them. Bc the long you stay the more you will resent them. You will also make them keep loving you more as time goes by.
So would I ever do this again? No absolutely not. Bc I learned how much it can destroy someone's truest and love for you and what forgiveness takes. My husband has started to forgive me for my mistakes and I would never want to jeopardize his trust in me again.
Going forward I know it will be extremely hard for him to not visualize me with this other boy and question my whereabouts at any given time. And it's going to be an uphill battle for me to earn his trust and faith in me completely. But I know it's worth it bc I know where my heart is now and it's with him. It's always been with him I can always blame it on my messed up life, how I did get attention, or how he did things that made me think he was cheating but it was all me. The only reason I don't want to go back and fix the biggest regret of my life. I don't think our 1 year old daughter would have been born bc of where we ended up after all of it came out. I just hope and pray that one day he will love me completely again.