Can anyone relate?

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so broke and hurt in life right now.

I'm tired of crying in my bed at night and I'm definitely tired of being an absolute mess. I look around and it seems like everybody is just doing so fine and dandy and I'm just over here a mess. I've been a strong kid all of my life. Bullied because of my weight and having fake friends was my childhood. Today I'm well liked by many people and was voted the most popular of my senior class. I'm attending college, have a job, go to church weekly, and have best friends and family who I truly love...why do I feel so lost and sad? I smile because I have so many things to be grateful for, but at night it's the opposite. I'm crying because I have no car anymore and it's taking a lot of money to fix it (half of my paycheck), my mother and stepfather divorced so I'm back to the struggling life of a single parent home, my bio father didn't bother to come to my graduation, I need to lose a lot of weight because I'm just not happy with my body ( but I've started working out and tracking my calories lately). But when I complain I feel terrible...I feel like I'm ungrateful for all I have and I don't deserve to cry. I just really want to let all of my anger, fears, and tears out!! I can't cry in front of anyone because I'm supposed to be the strong one, the one to take the different path my family decided not to take, be the ONE to change it all around. I'm TIRED of me having to be that ONE...but if I won't be her who else will.

Forgive my rant. There's so much more to my story but it's too much to explain so I'm sorry if it appears I'm everywhere with my emotions.

Thank you for listening though...😌

Update: because I have people on here that know me I can't reply, sorry. But thank you to those who responded it means a lot! I don't have a love life...I'm 18 so I have a little bit more time until I start to feel like the end of the world is here because I'm still single. Sometimes I do feel like that though lol. But, I was once in love but we drifted apart and I found out he recently got married with a baby on the way. That hurts too. I've been secretly in love with this one guy and i honestly think he would talk to me as his girlfriend one day-only thing is he used to date my sister a very long time ago. She's dating other guys and all but I don't want to be in a relationship feeling like there could still be feelings between my boyfriend and my sister. Tbh remember the weight issues...I became depressed my junior year and I put on soooo much weight. I've always been a heavy set girl thankfully my weight is in the right places 💁🏽but now I'm started to get weight in the unwanted places☹️. So my love life is okay...I'm working on loving me right now though🙇🏽‍♀️