I have no idea what to do now, I hate how i feel, there's school drama left and right, my old friends got boyfriends and don't talk to me, I'm constantly sarcastic and an ass (in a joking way) with new friends in certain classes, then extremely quiet around some teachers, 2 in particular, like I can't even look at them in a direct conversation and when they greet me at the start of class. I'm extremely anxious around my new friends group(they're older than me by a year or 2). I feel like I can't really trust my old friends anymore as they can't even make time for me to talk to them and get this sort of stuff off my chest. I'm constantly tired when I get home and barely have the energy to drag myself out of bed and do it again. I'm not on medication for my anxiety and depression and ADD and my brother says I don't need it. I have some serious medical stuff up in the air now. I've considered going to my mom and talk about an outpatient treatment for my depression and anxiety, but I'm terrified. I get mad and bruise my arms, hit my head, pull my hair, bite my nails and pick at my skin when I'm anxious or mad, I can't control my anger and I hate it. I would get into an argument and be down for the next few days, suicidal, want to relapse (used to self harm) and feeling like nothing will ever get better, to being on top of the world and being happy, giggly and have extreme energy. One day I love how I look, to the next where I can't find a single feature I like. I'm told I'm hard on myself, so I say the self-deprecating comments are a joke when they slip out. I still never believe compliments and feel like they're jokes. I get this odd feeling that someone can read my mind and that they use my thoughts against me, but I blow it off because I don't have the time to worry about myself with my parents on my ass and my friends against each other, it's exhausting. I apologize for any grammar, spelling and punctuation errors, I'm just rambling, it's basically getting everything off my chest.