BFN this morning

well...got my bfn at 5:30 this morning. the numbness set in. I didn't even cry. I decided time keep it pulled together this time. my husband's having a hard time at work and he's in a great mood. he's watching movies with me on the couch. (Beethoven) and commenting "oh gosh it will be great to have those conversations when w have kids." getting harder not to cry...now. then he's feeling frisky and I'm still holding my shit together...when we finish he said, "we have to take advantage of these moments...when we have kids we will only have quickies" (in a joking way). he says he can't wait until I wake him up at night for my pregnancy cravings...gosh. I thought I'll surf Facebook to fill my head with stupid recipes I'll never do and wth...all my fb friends are posting their new grandchildren's pics. my.... god. TTC at 39 (40 in two weeks...let's not talk about that right now)...sucks! hiding in the bathroom balling my eyes out. trying not to break his heart today.....gotta keep it together he

deserves a happy day! I love him so much!