I posted this in postpartum and all i got was people talking trash. Thanks for the invalidation!! Maybe someone else can give me some support. 💔

My husband is done with having kids. I want one more. Just ONE more. I want to try for another girl. I want an even number of kids. I'm so thankful for my kids and love them so much. My baby boy is a month old and he makes my heart soar!! But I can't stop thinking about this. I feel so petty. I want my Stella. That's it. I know it's a 50/50 chance, but that's a risk that I'm willing to take. I just want one more girl. I want my Stella. I'm so happy for my boy, my new baby. But I feel so bad because I want another baby and hope that it's a girl. I had no "gender depression" or whatever when I found out I was having a boy. I'm beyond happy with him. He's perfect!! I just want another baby, another girl. I want an even number of kids. I feel so ridiculous, but i can't change my feelings. I just want to have another baby. But i know that that won't happen. I have what I have and I love them all so much. But the desire is hard to bare. I just can't get past it. I don't go on Glow really at all anymore. Seeing pregnant bellies actually makes me depressed because I know that i won't have another baby. I'm actually crying right now typing this. Maybe it's therapeutic to type this all out. Idk... I just don't know anything anymore. I can't stress it enough that my baby boy makes me the happiest girl in the world!! But I still have this longing, this desire to be pregnant again and to have a baby girl. But i guess I can just hold Stella in my dreams because it won't ever be a reality for me. I just need to let it go.