Kisses

Hello. I'm 30 and I have a boyfriend after many years of not dating anyone. We had drunk Sex, but I feel he has changed or I changed.

We saw a movie at his house but I behave, we had only had sex (once) I just feel guilty because my mother says he might not marry me because he was my first time and we had sex before marriage.

I like him but I don't love him (yet) I don't know if love comes eventually. I only loved a person, who I never had anything but he's my best friend (a sweet boy but he never liked me more than a friend).

I kissed my boyfriend while we saw a movie at his house, I don't have experience and he said that someone can get erection just by kissing. Is that true? I really don't just want to have sex with him. He did ask me to be his girlfriend, we are exclusive and he's always jealous of me. I told him I was going to the gym, and he asked me. Where? Home? But in a non trusting way.

I really have a cold heart because I have never received loved, I'm having cold feet, will I feel love -eventually?

I'm scared because I feel like I will never feel that love sensation.

He's seems sweet and a gentleman, but my heart is not that open, I wish I could feel that love and desire of living.

He told me I was selfish, because when I was drunk I let him do all the work but it was my first and I told him I was drunk and he wasn't.

Am I a bad person?