Ok so a little over 2 years ago(I was 16 y/o) I was sexually assaulted or at least I think that's what it is(there was no penetration). So long story short my moms bestfriend wanted me to just get close to her son because he was really bad and I was "the only one" he would listen to. He wasn't in school, always fighting and doing illegal stuff anyways I just let him know that he could trust me and that I would be there for him.

So after a while I helped him get his life on track and one of the nights we had like a family dinner(we had them every Thursday my mom and his mom were like sisters) I had fell asleep in his moms room I had a cold so I wasn't feeling very well and when I woke up he had his male parts on my face I freaked out because I was a virgin and didn't see that coming at all so I told him I was still a Virgin and didn't want to do anything unless I was in a relationship and comfortable with that person.

About 2 weeks later his mom had me come to her house and house sit the morning I was still recovering because I had an emergency appendectomy but I guess she had told the kids that I was going to be watching their new puppy so once again I was laying in her bad and I heard someone in the door before I could even get up he had ran into the room and pined me down he tried putting his hands in my pants but I pushed his hand away and he made me to give him a hj, before anything else happened I told him I needed the bathroom so (I could try to call for help) and he came in and ripped my shirt off, his mom called so I had time to get out the house once I did and he realized he ended up leaving because he thought I had called the police

I was too scared to tell my mom because she was and is so judgemental anyways my mom and his mom stopped talking because he had got a gf and she didn't like me so she made up rumours about me having his kid(stupid ik) and me giving both of them a STI but I'm still a Virgin to this day lmao but up until a year ago he would message family members telling them sexual things that has never happened (I've doubted myself because I am a very heavy sleeper so I went to the doctors and my Hymen is still intact) but anyways I feel like this has messed with my life so much I'm not as happy as I was I've gained over 20 pound (most likely from depression idk) and I have serious anxiety I feel like it's stopping me from being happy in a relationship. Every time I see someone that looks like him (basically every time I go out in public) I start to panic and feel like I'm drowning thankfully I moved out that city but but I do visit there often and the anxiety will not go away

Has anyone experienced this and maybe know of a way to help not feel as anxious anymore? because at this point it's draining me😔