worst mom ever/pregnancy anxiety

Here's my confessions on how I've failed my son in the past 6 months of carrying him 😔

•I JUST started taking a prenatal this week because I didn't have access to one that wasn't making me vomit

•I've taken Benadryl my entire pregnancy for sleep 50-100mg

•I've taken Zquill for the past 2 weeks or so to sleep, there's 1/6th of the amount of alcohol in a drink and 50mg Benadryl in 2tbls and I try to take less than that

•I wake up in the middle of the night on my back even though I go to sleep on my side

•I was extremely drunk for the first time in a year about 1 week before I found out I was pregnant at 3 weeks 4 days

•There's been days where I've eaten nothing but saltines and since I wasn't taking a vitamin I know he wasn't getting what he needs

•I haven't worked out much at all since getting pregnant

I feel so guilty all the things that I've done. My husband and I have talked about it and he tells me everything will be fine, but I had such a vision of how I wanted to be during pregnancy and I've just failed 😥 I panic every time I don't feel him kick for a while. I'm so scared of losing him and I know if anything happens to him it'll all be my fault and I won't be able to live with myself 😔