I see all these pregnant women and BFP announcements all the time and it really drags me down. I know I'm not going to have another baby and I wish I could. The worst part is actually all the "my husband was so excited/happy/what the fuck ever fill in the blank" about the positive test. My husband was never happy about me being pregnant. The last time he looked at me like we was so annoyed and said "Ohh god, are you serious!?" I just locked myself in the bathroom and cried and he went back to playing his video game. I hate seeing these happy couples together and daddies kissing or rubbing mommy's big beautiful belly. My husband never asked how I was feeling or how the baby is doing or even rubbed my belly. Once he felt the baby move and he said that was "creepy as fuck." He had 4 other kids from his first wife so maybe he's just burnt out in pregnancy or something. Maybe I'm making up excuses.... I don't know. It's just so hard because we've had 5 kids together and not once has he been happy about it. Our first baby together he didn't talk to me for almost a month. Like as if he was mad that I purposely did something wrong to him. Our third baby I thought I was having a miscarriage and he didn't even ask me if i wanted to go to the ER or anything, but about 4 hours after I told him I think I'm having a miscarriage he asked if we could sex that night- SERIOUSLY. Our second baby he asked if I wanted an abortion and he thought it would be a good idea. Glad I didn't listen to him. Our fourth he asked if i was sure and I was umm yeah!! It's always something. And then he fights with me over names!! Like as if he has any say in it. He was arguing with me WHILE I WAS IN LABOR over one of our daughters middle names.

He basically ignores me while pregnant as if I'm not and it's just like any other day and yet I want another baby. Who's the fool??

I'm depressed because of all the pregnant women and happy fathers. I'm depressed because I can't have a baby. I'm depressed because my husband doesn't want another baby. I'm depressed because my husband who I live and adore ignores me while pregnant and gets mad when I say I am pregnant. I just can't get over this depression. I can't win.