I don't need help. I don't need words of wisdom. I just need to vent

My mothers yelled and said so much mean stuff to me, I think it's time that I should believe it. 21 years of me fighting back and trying to ignore the words she said. My heart is giving up. I give up. At this point I don't see why I matter. Why it's even worth trying and caring about things that will never happen to me or evento care about myself. I have no money to leave cause she took it all. She's gotten my credit so low I can't even get an apartment without a consigned. She's token my happiness so my smile that I wear is fake everyday. And when she wants to pretend like nothing bad happen I have to play along. She has a 2 year old and I make a better mother than her yelling at him for "being messy". I hate my life and in my heart I know I should give up on life. But my head and my heads are to scared to make the action.