I don't know what to do... I'm so tired of the anxiety and depression and I feel like it's so bad for the baby... almost everything about this pregnancy has been a nightmare for me... everything I don't want... I'm 18 got pregnant by my "high school sweetheart" nobody likes him... not my family not my best friend no one. He's been abusive and manipulating and is incredibly selfish... but I always get sucked back in... even when I walk away I always get pulled back in... and please don't judge me for that... I know I'm in control of my own destiny and I know I need to walk away... but now I'm having his baby... and at first he tried to force me to get an abortion but everything in me screams no to that because I just can't do it... it's my baby... I don't care that it'll be hard... so then the mental abuse started... he told me I would be a shitty mom and he would rather it be dead then it have to grow up around my bullshit. And I started believing it and actually started thinking about abortion... but then I went to my first ultrasound sound and I fell completely in love... for the first time in weeks I smiled a real smile... my little one is so perfect and I couldn't believe it was really happening... I've always wanted a huge family and even though I didn't plan on starting this young I knew that this is what I wanted... I knew that this baby was everything I dreamed of... but he's been so cruel and mean... and the second I got out of the ultrasound he ruined everything again... he's trying to force me to give it up for adoption be it makes me so sad and anxious and depressed because all I've ever wanted was a family... with someone who supported and loved me... I've wanted to be a midwife for as long as I can remember because I love children and babies and the whole birth process... one of my dreams has always been to have a baby at home with my husband and me and a midwife there only to supervise... but I won't even have someone who will be there... I feel so alone... everything feels so wrong and I'm so scared... I literally feel tormented with all the thoughts... sometimes I struggle with just ending it all... I need help and I don't know how to get it please help me