why do I do this to myself every month.

TTC #1 since December I am 32 turning 33 in November. Every month it's the same thing I feel like I might be pregnant and I am not. I feel like my body plays games with me. I always get my hopes up. I am due tomorrow 9/3 and had light spotting this afternoon. I always think well maybe it's implantation bleeding. If we do not get pregnant this month I go for testing next month. I am very anxious about it. Not sure what to do at this point.