So my water broke at 19w5d, complete rupture. I was given the option to terminate or stick it out. We decided to give our baby a chance regardless of the risk facts for both baby and I.

I'm trying to remain optimistic and am trying to stick it out as long as possible but now at 20w5d I'm having what I believe to be contractions, back pains, bleeding and clotting. I'm so depressed and I'm not ready to let my baby go. I'm afraid to go to L&D; to be told I have an infection or I'm in true labor because then it'll truly be over. I've asked if there was any medical intervention if labor was to happen and my doctor has told me "not until 23 weeks.

I know not going is worse but I don't want to say goodbye. I have so many baby buys and gifts, looking at them makes my anxieties and depression worst. I'm trying to remain hopeful and keep faith but everything feels as if it's slipping away from me.

I want this little person so bad. This whole situation makes me feel like a failure and as if I'm letting our families down.