My miscarriage ruined me

After I miscarried my baby three months ago, I have fallen into a really horrible depression. I can barely get out of bed. I'm on a medical leave from work and I am seeing a therapist and am on meds. I can't help but feel like everything is my fault. When I first got pregnant I told my husband I didn't want a baby right then because we were both still in grad school. We decided to keep it and I grew attached and loved my little Maddox. Then the miscarriage happened and my husband started acting distant and weird around me. We don't even speak much to each other anymore. We had this huge fight because he kept cooping himself up at work so he wouldn't have to come home and talk to me or think about it. But I need him...I need some support. He started saying all these nasty things like "You didn't want Maddox in the beginning, so there you have it! You wanted him gone. He's gone." And things like "Can't even fucking keep a baby." "I don't know why I decided to love an anorexic bitch like you." He was so angry and frustrated. Ever since then we kind of stopped talking and it's just small talk. We even sleep in different rooms now. When I try to talk to my mom she just makes the situation about herself and whines about how God took her grandchild from her. I feel so lonely and I'm contemplating suicide. I am scared to die but I really want to. I love my husband and I'm so confused why he's saying things like this. I feel like he wants me dead, it's my fault baby Maddox died. Sorry I am putting this on here...I just have no one to talk to.