fucking hate life

I wish I could live my life not meeting people. I wish I could live my life the fucking way I want to. Just completely shut out all these new fucking people. I'm done trying to make friends. I'm told I never try but ya know. No one can see my brain or thoughts to know why I can't trust anyone. I cannot trust anyone. I can barley even trust my own mother... I'm constantly on guard to get kicked out of where I live because I've been kicked out of so many places as a child. I'm so sick of living on edge. nothing I do works and I can never win at anything.. I just wish thinks were simple. I've been dealing with severe depression for years with 3 suicide attempts. I don't want to die but I'm so scared 😭😭😭 I want to feel normal and I want to have a life