I don't understand

After 3 faint positives on blue dye, and one faint positive in pink dye. Also being four days late. I woke up last night with cramps and lots of blood. It broke my heart. I don't even feel like I want to live anymore. All it makes me feel like is that something is wrong with me or that I can't have children, and god just gets my hopes up for it all to come crashing down. DP was so excited. It hurts a lot more than people who have never experienced a thing think.