I need help.

I feel as though I have some kind of mental disorder but I can't tell what it is. I've always suffered from anxiety but I can't tell if it's just terrible anxiety or if I'm suffering from something like bipolar disorder or depression. For as long as I can remember, I've struggled with anxiety. I have very high highs and low lows. About a year and a half ago, I was suicidal. Then I met my boyfriend. I allowed him to be the happiness in my life, but that has since worn away. Partially because we are separated by over 1,000 miles. I will be fine for a few weeks and then get into a very depressive state filled with anxiety, anger, hatred, and complete lack of ambition. I will take this out on him terribly. I get very inconsolably angry and am very mean to him. I don't want to be like this. He doesn't deserve the way I treat him. He deserves so much better. But I feel as though I can't help it.

The problem is that when I saw my doctor about 2 weeks ago, I told her I was doing well with my anxiety so i didn't feel as though I needed to go into much depth. This just so happened to fall into one of my blissful periods, I had just visited my boyfriend and was feeling content with where my life was headed. Now I'm a mess again. I don't want to contact my doctor again because I was just there and I am also so busy with school work and sports. I just don't know what to do. I'm stuck in my own head.