Could I be anymore stupid!!

I've been with my abusive boyfriend more than half my life and im still with him! He's verbally abusive and sometimes physically 100% emotionally and everything in between. We have good days and they just might out weigh the bad but when its bad its bad!! I just cant bring myself to leave the relationship even tho i know he isnt going to change and love and care for me like I deserve. But, im still here stuck in limbo and feel very stupid very! Why cant I take action and make myself happy? Im sure its linked to childhood trauma that ive been thru but thats not and excuse. Im just tired of being tirrd and tired of being stupid.