Should I move on??

Today I broke up with a man that I had been seeing for a year n a half. He came into my life as a stranger and he began a conversation with me while I was at work. He came every nite and talked with me about what ever. We became friends and at the time I had a boyfriend and was going thru some problems with the boyfriend. He ended up becoming my friend and I felt comfortable enough to tell him things. I know I shouldn't of started talking to him with personal issues and I had some other things going on in my life. So, we started texting and meeting each other when we could. So in the middle of this all he was married and so he was very clear on his feelings on his marriage and he said he was looking for a friend to talk to. I didn't see anything wrong with being friends but then having to do sneaky stuff well it ended up to where we were having a affair. I thought it would just be like a couple of times and be done. Then something tragically happen and the boyfriend tried to commit suicide in front of me n my kids. it was the worst nights of my life, I would never want anyone to ever do that to themselves no matter the case was. I was very sadden and scared and in shocked to what happened. I had questioned my life. The next day I told the friend and he was shocked. So after that had happened me n the boyfriend had separated and he went to live with family ..he recovered, but we were now separated. we had been together for 6years and he had raised my son since he was 3. Was very much in love with him and I questioned myself why I cheated.. he didn't know or ever found out.

So we separated and I tried to move on with my life with work and kids. Continue to be friends with the guy and he helped me with my kids, financially, emotionally and mental and of course physically the sex was amazing. We connected and it felt real his concerns n the love he gave me and my kids, but there was always a time he had to leave. I didn't like it at all, knowing I was falling in love with a married man.

He always made the time to see me and help me in whatever it was. We were a couple just going thru the motions and even celebrating holidays and special occasions. Of course at this point he was living a double life. He been thru it with me thru the good times and the hard times with me as I had some other things going on in my life, which I can't mention.

Then jobs changed and life gets a lil smoother and then found out that the ex had took his life. And it was just a weird 3or 4 days before he died and I didn't notice the signs. I just had so much guilt. After his death I became suicidal for bout 3 months.. and it wasn't fun!

Over came it and just really fell more in love for the guy and their was times where I couldn't no more cuz I wanted more and he just hadn't came to terms with himself or his significant other why he is unhappy, that was in April.

I did the one thing that I would never do.. go on fb and look her page up cuz I didn't want to break my heart. I wanted to believe what he said was true, but what I seen was totally different from what he had said. They looked very happy and it was great their family. My heart broke for being a fool to think I was blinded by his words and actions. I feel really betrayed and I dnt know what to think just that he made me think other and I never questioned it... and it broke me.

I always knew it would be me to get hurt and I did.. sad that she has no clue at all, she is so happy that she has a new house and gets to stay home with the kids ..while he is living a Double life. I can't go on with the guilt and he is not being real with himself or with her, but yet he can tell me the truth bout it.. doesn't makes since.. so I'm done but I love him so much and has been the best for me but this situation is not the best at all. I kinda feel it's been lifted off of me but it's like I dnt care if he hurts cuz he never intended to leave his wife after he fell in love with me. At this point, I dnt even want him to choose I just want to be done but then I dnt. Feeling empty, what do I do?? Move on and hope for the best or continue to take him back cuz he will cry for me ..not to be done with him.