I feel so down right now. After 8 years of relationship last year (April 206) my ex told me I did not mean anything to him and that he proposed only because he thought that would make me happy and that actually he never meant to marry me or have a family with me. He just told me what I needed to hear because it suited him...he had other women on the side because "life is doing what you want when you want"

All my dreams of having my own family, have a baby...disappeared.

I met a guy since then and we get along good...he already has a 9 year old boy.

We have just had our 1 year anniversary and I 'm starting to ruin everything because I feel like time is running out for me...I'm almost 36. Last Sunday we got into an argument because of my fears..that he - having a failed marriage behind him - won't want to jump in again. After my past relationship and because of my age I feel like I'm not patient anymore and I want more guarantees. And after I pushed and pushed he said he cannot give me any guarantees because I'm becoming obsessive and that he loves me and he wants me to let things go their natural course... he told me again he wants more kids and he isn't afraid of marriage but doesn't want to rush things.

I agree on some level...but I wish I could have my own family already..a baby ...a husband..someone with whom to feel in a team.

Tonight is a low moment..I'm crying 'cause I'm wondering when will my moment come. When will I have my own little family? Will I ever? It seems so easy for some girls..and it seems such an unreachable dream to me.

Sorry for the long rant.. I feel so alone