Dealing with a broken heart

I am 18, me and my ex have been broken up for some time now. We still speak, well we did anyway. I find myself still loving him, seeing him someone else hurts. I feel like it should be me, he's been ignoring me and avoiding me. I call myself trying to delete him out of my life but I find myself back at start. I have had break downs, I try to talk to other guys but they don't compare to him. I've had my heart broken before but I got over it, this seems as though the pain won't go away. I told him to forget about me act like I don't exist but he wouldn't let that happen. The guy I talk to now I just found out he talks to someone else, I feel like my world is crashing and it's me, like I'm not enough. I'm just tired of falling apart and crying, I'm tired if hiding behind a fake smile 😔