Something changed in me...

In the last year, 4 women in my workplace have become pregnant. Each one brought horrible jealousy for me, and I was always upset with myself for feeling that way. Today, a 5th announced her pregnancy. Sure, I felt that little twinge of "why couldn't it just be me for once" but, I also felt joy for the first time. I saw the overwhelming excitement she was exhuming and thought "that's so wonderful, I'm so happy for her. I hope I have that some day." Right now, as I'm typing this I feel emotional...scared of the what ifs, sad that my turn hasn't come yet, but also relief, because for the first time I am feeling peace in my heart.