is he charging? Catfishing your own husband?!!?

so I'm tired of being a sound board for someone who never likes my opinion.

maybe my (opinion) and advice is wrong idk. that's why I'm coming here. to get a fresh perspective.

my oldest sister is 33. her husband is 34. married for 12 years and they have a 8 year old son, a 4 year old son and and a 14 month old daughter.

so last night my sister called me crying and sobbing. she said she went to bookmark a recipe in his phone when she saw his phone history. which included visits to adult hookup sites. not dating. purely sex. I asked why she was on his phone and she said their son was playing a game on hers.

anyway........

i talked her into asking him about it, straight up. she did. and he said it was spam email that lead him there.

he then showed her his email and in his defense, it was full of spam mail like that. subject lines:"see naked women" ..."meet so and so for a f**k buddy" .... she said she clicked on the email and it took her to a spammy website, with a warning of malicious content.

she then went back into his phone history, and it included the email she just clicked on.

so she felt like he was telling the truth.

great. okay. BUT....

then I told her it seemed odd bc you don't just get 700+ spam emails like that without going to a website FIRST. (yes, 700+!!)

she wanted my opinion, but then she got defensive saying everyone gets spam mail.

I said, yes, I know, but does everyone get spam mail of naked pictures of girls?!

(yes, fully naked pictures that lead to websites)

I told her to visit the one website that she felt was a red flag.

it was for girls (and guys) in their hometown (which is a small little country town)

she looked around the site and then just asked him about it.

his response was, "my brother showed Me this website and I was looking at it to see if i knew any of the ppl on it" went on to calling the females on there whores and what not. said he was amazed that it listed his hometown and that's why he was looking.

(red flag #2):fine your brother showed it to you. not your fault. BUT, did he show you on your phone or his, and why did he feel the need to revisit the site?

(which probably was a source for starting all that spam mail)

I told her I'd still be weary.

again she got defensive, saying he told her about it so he must not be lying.

in which i said, "yeah -AFTER You found it! she hung up on me.

then today, another call. at 5:58am! yeah, I have a newborn baby, and I'm usually up by 6am but that don't mean I'm up for talking at All hours around the clock! why the early am call?

ohhh... yea, to inform me that he did make a profile on the site, but "THOUGHT" he had to, in order to view the pictures. ummm WTF?! no! just no no no.

I told her that it all seemed ridiculous and that he was probably looking into cheating but not necessarily cheating yet, or that the idea has crossed his mind, or he's getting bored in the marriage and is looking to flirt with other women. and then I told her to call me back at noon, and hung up.

it's 1pm and she's called 3x now. I haven't answered bc Im exhausted from being up all night with a newborn! and she's exhausting me with her repeat stories, and wanting advice But gets mad at me when Im honest.

her defense story this morning was:

he never locks his phone and it's not password protected so he must not be hiding anything.

then goes on to tell me

that he deletes all text messages as soon as he reads them, and all call logs.

never ever has a message in his text app and never a call in the phone log.

Is that fishy?

I told her it might be normal, that some ppl just have a habit of deleting texts after reading them. but who would know at this point.

she calls and comes over wanting advice but then defends him with everything I say!!!!. I guess shes trying to make sense of it all... I get that! I'm married with kids myself and nobody wants to encounter the possibility of cheating. but I'd rather find out the truth.

what do you think?!

does a happily married man go on "F**K ME websites "just to look?" all bc his brother showed him the site?!

Why would they go on them at all?!

and the spam email and web page history?!(she said she's cleared the history a few times) and the same pages keep popping back up)

I just need another perspective and fresh eyes and ears bc I'm the only one she talks to about all this and maybe someone else sees it differently.

p.s. she just texted me and I can't believe what she said!!!

she said she'd like to pose as an attractive girl and reach out to him and see if he takes the bait. first via talking online/texting whatever. and then see if he's willing to meet up In person. omg!!! what?! catfishing your own husband?!

I told her it wasn't a good idea bc it's just plain dishonest. AND even if he had no intention of cheating, that this plan may backfire. plus it's entrapment! she said she has to know if hed Cheat given the opportunity. and needs to know If his intentions we're to cheat by visiting these websites.

I understand that. but damn there has to be a better way to find out!