Watching porn?

Question

I know it's not a popular opinion but I'm against my boyfriend watching porn. I don't agree with it and would have a problem with it. We've been together almost 8 months and I'm not sure how to ask if he does. Last night he was like "Hugh died" and then went on to say how he doesn't think the magazines aren't bad anymore and it's more of a magazine for men's questions and stuff because they couldn't compete with online porn. 
I don't feel like having the conversation face to face because if he says yes then I'll be upset so I'd rather text. But, I'm happy in my bubble pretending he doesn't. I don't want to ruin it. Would it be weird to ask over text?

Answer

I'm against porn in a relationship too for many reasons. I have to agree with everyone on here though about talking face to face about it. We are all allowed to have things we absolutely won't allow in a relationship and you have to be prepared for the fact that he may say that he won't quit watching it and you might have to make the hard decision of whether or not you can continue being in that relationship knowing that. I would assume he does watch porn as statistics would say that's the case. My husband and I were friends before we started dating and I told him I would never date someone who watched porn. (He did watch it as a single guy.) When he asked me out I reminded him of this and he informed me that he had quit before asking me out. He has slipped up once or twice, we are all human and I expect him to make mistakes, but he doesn't masturbate to porn anymore. The most important thing to remember is you can't be mad at him for watching it now or that he has been watching it up until you said something. He didn't know it was an issue and he shouldn't be punished for something he did when he was single. You can only be angry with him if he says he'll quit and doesn't. If he does quit and slips up then remember we are all human and make mistakes. It's hard to break habits that we started years ago. Best of luck to you! I know porn is a rough one and not a lot of women will agree with your point of view. Just remember, you have every right to feel the way you do and it doesn't make you controlling, manipulative, insecure, or abusive. Those same women have things they absolutely wouldn't allow either in relationships and what they won't allow is no different than what you won't allow.  (Those are the most common accusations I hear when I saw I'm against porn in relationships.)

Answer

If you aren't okay with it you need to bring that up ASAP and in person. 
My husband knows I dislike it and respects that. Just as I respect the things he dislikes because relationships are about communication and respect.

Answer

Ok, so I will talk to him in person. I'm going to try to wait until we are home but if I have him alone when we go to the dog park I might ask then. I have to kind of "rehearse" what I'm going to say otherwise I'll mess up and talk too fast and confusing. I'm going to say something along the lines of "do you remember when you were talking about how Hugh died and how the magazines weren't that bad anymore because they couldn't compete with the online stuff?" "Well, do you watch it?" And if he says yes I'll ask how often and when the last time was. No matter what he says, I'm going to (hopefully) not cry and just explain that I think that watching porn in a relationship is disrespectful to me and our relationship. And leave it at that. That way, he knows my opinion and can choose to respect it. If I catch porn after that we'll have a different discussion. 
Side note: I've always thought porn was disrespectful and gross. Not meant for people in relationships. But, while we were together, my ex boyfriend would watch gross porn. "Sell your girlfriend porn", "very young girl porn" stuff that just confirmed my distaste. It's not necessarily a deal breaker for me but it definitely makes me question the relationship. But I will do my best not to get mad. (Can't guarantee I won't get annoyed).

Answer

Honestly, if this is something you feel strongly about, just get to the point and ask. You won't be able to control him, but at least you will know what you're dealing with and if he does like it and it's not OK for you, it might not be the best relationship for you.

Answer

If you're going to make a big deal about it (which it sounds like you will), I wouldn't text. Why hash out a discussion that's important to you through texting?

Answer

Definitely in person. Conversations can be taken wayyy out of proportion over texts.

Answer

I believe any serious conversation should be done face to face. While porn, to me, isn’t serious, it is for you. It can be hard to gauge feelings and tone in texts which leads to miscommunication and more often times than not, hurt feelings.

Watching porn?

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