I'm signing off

Nobody told me getting pregnant would ruin my life. It's supposed to be a blessing but I feel cursed. My miscarriage was 4 months ago and feels like last night. I stare at the pictures of you and wonder, who you would've been? Who you would've made me? Instead something went very wrong. You blessed my life in ways I never thought possible but when I found out you were gone I felt defeated. Not only defeated, I felt fucking cheated. No other expression-cheated. Fate took something more precious than my own life and that's something I will never be able to live with. I loved so deeply, and I still do. As time goes on, I hoped it would get easier. Instead it feels just as hard as ever. Alone and sad. As I write this I can feel my heart breaking all over again, reliving the awful experience that I wish was a nightmare. But it wasn't and I have to live with that. You were perfect and I was broken. When they said your heart stopped-mine did too. So now I will try and pick up the pieces and patiently wait for the day it will beat again.