ARE YOU READY? cause I'm gonna spill my guts.

So I've been in a bumpy relationship for 4 years. I lost my virginity to his man. He wants to start a family and is sure I'm the love of his life. He's very intense. (I'm a Libra he's a Scorpio, if that matters to anyone) He has cheated on me and I have "cheated" on him. (I'll explain that in a minute) I moved in with him the last year to help his mother babysit her 3 children and in the beginning of September, I moved out. My relationship with (lets call him Anthony) was getting to the point where I was miserable. We were separated around March(?) when his parents got divorced. Anthony moved out with his dad and I stayed with his mom cause she had no babysitter. (she got a restraining order against Anthonys dad, they were forced out) So within this time me and Anthony were broken up but, I was talking to someone.. let's call him Christian. So I've known Christian since myspace days but I lost contact with him and we had just started talking to each other and we hung out a couple times. Within the times we hung out (like 4 times) we kissed and shit maybe like 3 out of the 4 times. During this time Anthony was coming around to his moms house to see me and all this shit. we were still intimate. kind of. we were not together.. so time goes by and Anthony moves back in. When Anthony moved back in I decided to check his phone.. I found out he was talking to 2 other girls and he would come around and beg me not to be interested in anyone else. So this obviously made me mad. Later that night I had confessed to Anthony what I did out of anger. Anthony is heartbroken by what I'm saying to him and for the next two days he was calling me and yelling at me just being very angry towards and talking down on me. So Anthony messages Christian on Facebook (Christian is an Aquarius by the way) and he tells him I'm his girlfriend and all this other shit just going off basically. So that was the end of Christian.. for a while. Speed up to September I'm out of his mother's miserable house and I'm living in BH (Christian lives in BH too) and I'm going back to school I'm focusing on my artistry (makeup, painting, ect.) So Anthony and I had a pretty messy breakup early September, he basically told me he wanted me gone and I was begging him to give me a reason to leave. Also his mothers work schedule had changed and she no longer needed me to babysit. I saw an opportunity and I took it.. So I'm living away from Anthony now and we're split up. At the time, I wanted nothing to do with Anthony so i blocked him on everything I could think of, he was desperately trying to get a hold of me. So during this time I keep having dreams of Christian. (To be fair I had dreams of him even when Anthony moved back in) so I'm itching to talk to Christian for some reason. I think about him all the time. So, I go on Facebook and I gather up the courage to message him. I tell him I'm sorry for the way things ended with us, I explained my side of the story to him, and he tells me "I appreciate you taking the time to send me this but I'm not trying to get involved with anybodys business" I tell him thats fine and I understand, that I just wanted him to know what I had to say. That was the end of that conversion, I didn't get anything back after that. So I'm thinking to myself that I can let him go now. He doesn't want anything to do with me and thats fine. I'm an adult I will live. So, a couple days go by and Anthony is crazy messaging me telling me he wants to commit suicide, that he can't live without me, and that he wants to work it out. And hes asking if he can come over so I can hear him out. I'm not a total bitch so I let him and its more of the same. He doesnt want to let me go and I'm the love of his life, and all this stuff. He tells me he wants me not to see anyone else and thats the only thing he worrys about because of the Christian incident. I tell him I wont see anyone else if he gets his shit together (leaves his old job cause its a bad environment, stops drinking, saves money, and treats me better) I told him we're living apart for 1 year to see if he can keep it up. So fast forward to today, September 30th. Anthony's treating me better and he doesn't drink at all unless its with me. He found a new job. We are doing okay but I don't feel totally in love like I should be. (At least, not how I would WANT to feel. I don't know if thats just unrealistic expectations of love, or what) but anyway. Today? I get a message from Christian. He says " Hey this is random I just felt bad about how we stopped talking I'm sorry if I'm bothering" and he follows me on Instagram. Now, I'm confused.. i love Anthony but I'm not sure if it's true.. what does he want? What do I do? Should I even be in a relationship with anyone? Is it wrong to want to talk to Christian?