Pregnancy and depression.

Warning: rant.

I'm almost 19 weeks with my first baby. I've been struggling with how much this baby has taken over my entire body and mind. I feel like I have no control over anything anymore. I have no say in how I feel, if I'm going to feel sick, tired or moody, or ok. I feel like a passenger in my own body, and I feel completely alone. My partner is amazing and supportive, but I feel like he will never understand how I feel, because I don't even understand it. I'm still sick everyday, which is usually eased with a snack, but now everything I eat tastes like it's gone bad. I have relentless palpitations. My boobs are so sore I cry whenever I take my bra off. I can't work out how to sleep comfortably on my side, and so I'm not sleeping well. My bladder feels so full all the time, even straight after I've just emptied it. Then there's the headaches, the mood swings and the crying. Kudos to women who go through this more than once, I don't think I ever could. I'm also struggling with the protruding belly. Before I got pregnant I lost 40kg, and now.. this belly is poking out again. My logical mind knows it's a baby, and it's what suppose to happen, but my emotional brain is struggling seeing that belly spill out over my jeans.

Sorry, I know I should be grateful for this gift, and I am.. I just needed to vent.