Only when he's drunk: does it make a difference?

Question

I'm lost. I'm confused. And I'm so fucking hurt.
Two nights ago my SO and I were relaxing a little bit with a few drinks. Everything was going great, we were laughing, talking about everything in our lives' and just enjoying each other's company thoroughly. He decided to have more than me which made sense, I'm 5'2 130 lbs and he's 6 foot 270 lbs and he always has to drink more than me to be feeling good. I remember the night perfectly. Just got a little toasty to wash out the stresses of the week. Well suddenly, this man that I love so much goes down some dark road. I had just returned from the bathroom and I am now being called a cunt, a bitch. I knew he was definitely drunk but he's making no sense saying "everything is permitted" over and over again. Mind you, I literally don't know where the snap happened. I am totally with it and now I'm just confused. He continues to yell, I tell him to stop calling me those names and now I find his hands around my throat. After a struggle he releases, mad now that I had kicked him in the stomach which is where I get punched in the gut twice by him. Now I'm scared. I try to get away and he bear hugs me from behind telling me "you're not going anywhere" I'm pleading with him to let me go and we can stop this here. He carries me to the bedroom and slams me on the bed. He's yelling and slurring. Continuing the name calling. I crawl onto the floor with a pillow and blanket with my back against the wall so I can see everything. I don't want to sleep with him but he has the door blocked off.. he rips the blanket off of me, opens all of the windows, turns on the AC and says he hopes I freeze all night. I'm starting to cry, I'm just stunned and fucking frightened. The crying induced laughter from him. Full on fucking hysterical laughter. I felt so alone. The name calling continued all night, he refused to let me leave the bedroom, slept in front of the door with all of the blankets so I couldn't get out or have one and if I didn't get on the bed he continued to crawl up to me whispering "you fucking cunt" in my ear. Ladies, I'm faithful, I try to always do something nice for him, let him know he's loved. We have always gotten along so well, understood each other and just loved each other so much. I don't get it, I didn't even say anything that set him off. All night he switched from being so unbelievably aggressive to crying saying "I can't believe you're going to leave me" when I never said anything of the sort. I'm not an idiot and I know this isn't acceptable. I haven't even been able to let him touch me since. I can't even look at him. I have bruises and my neck is so sore where he choked me. He cried to no end when I told him what happened yesterday morning. He can't believe it and can't remember a thing. I can't forgive him. He is begging me. Is it wrong of me to not want to offer that forgiveness, at least not yet? That was the most scared I had been in my entire life. He acted up one other time while drinking but nothing to this extent. Ugh I hate this. Please give me insight. I'm so confused here. Thank you in advance.

Answer

I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father. He will eventually do this sober . Get out while you still can .

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Is it possible he took a drug while in the bathroom? It does seem incredibly extreme for just alcohol especially if he has drunk before without problems. Personally I couldn’t forgive it, and I would be pressing charges.

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you need to leave. immediately. pack your stuff and go, because next time, you might not get so lucky.

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You are not wrong to not forgive him! Clearly alcohol isn’t for him! I’m so sorry this happened to you. He should seek some counselling on alcoholism and abuse.

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You can forgive him, but you should leave him as well. Abusers will say anything to get you to stay.

Answer

you said he's acted up one other time before...was he drinking the same thing then? and when you get drunk other times is it a different type of alcohol those times? no one in my family can have vodka. it's makes us angry like batshit crazy angry. I wasn't always like that though. never once had a problem with vodka I use to drink it Everytime I got drunk but after my son was born and the first and last time I drank it I snapped at my fiance. i don't remember what happened. so I don't drink that. I can drink half. a bottle of whisky and be fine. my fiance and I play shot games when one of our parents takes our son for the evening and we go through a whole bottle without any incident. it could be whatever the drank just does that. now I'm not condoning what he did not am I saying forgive him. by no means is that my place but it isn't my place to tell you to leave either. unfortunately you have to make that decision on your own. same thing with forgiving him. that's up to you. you have to decide if he is worth it if you possibly being hurt again maybe even dead is worth it.  we can all tell you to leave to get your shit go and never look back and it may be the best choice but you have to decide on your own. there is nothing wrong in being scared or even hateful towards him for what he did but you are strong. smart. cunning and beautiful. remember that. if he can't be who you need and want you're gonna have to make the difficult decision on whether to leave or stay. but whatever yo choice will be right for you. it may not be right next month or even next year and you'll have to make a choice again but hopefully you will have learned what to do. I hope you get better sweetie. remember you aren't alone we are all here for you even if you can't face us and have a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent with. we are still here.

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He needs to get help, but you need to leave before he ends up killing you. Motive means nothing right now when he lost control to this extent to seriously hurt you, physically and mentally. Be careful sweetie. Get somewhere safe.

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Wow I’m sorry his happened to you. You need to leave. Alcohol is not an excuse.

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My boyfriend can be similar to this. Not quite as bad and has only happened maybe 3 times in the 4+ years we have been together. 
He reaches a level of drunkness where he becomes like this. He rarely gets that drunk but when he has it has scared me and I have debated leaving but then because he doesn't do it again for 2/3 years then I forgive and forget.
For me he would say hurtful things and try to force sex on me. It was more like something you might see in porn where they call the girl a whore and throw them about, apart from I hate that in sex and he knows that.

Answer

I am sorry that happened to you that is so scary. My man's brother has mental health issues  (if I remember right he has schizophrenia) it gets greatly exasperated by alcohol, he will get very aggressive in the same manner. One time he had an episode (after drinking) where he ran nonstop until he found my man and told him that helicopters were chasing him, there weren't any helicopters. He als gets very aggressive about things that are not happening for no reason. If you choose to stay (imo it sounds like he was having a disconnection from reality) he needs to go to a psychologist and get diagnosed.

Only when he's drunk: does it make a difference?

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