Weird relationship: 17&23 years old

So, I am 17 and this summer I was in a relationship with a guy who is almost 23. I don’t want to make this guy sound like a pedophile cause he’s not. We didn’t have sex or engage in any sexual activity. We never even kissed.

Obviously I’ve talked about this experience with other people and trusted adults were aware of the situation but I wanted to reach out to a larger community and see if anyone has had a similar experience or just get some thoughts. It’s been a lot to deal with and talking about it helps.

This summer I worked at a camp and I met this guy and we hit it off pretty fast. We were friends for a couple weeks and then it developed into something more. From the beginning the 6-year age gap bothered me but I think I was so caught up in the idea of having my first boyfriend that I let it go.

For the purpose of this story I’m gonna call him Sam.

Sam was an established member of the staff who had been working there since he was 19. He’d had a few girlfriends over the summers but none of them lasted past September. He was super cool and nice and a lot of fun so we started talking and getting to know each other, then our coworkers started noticing and asked us if we were dating, to which we both said no.

Then as July came to a close I realized I liked him. I started asking around and his friends said that Sam also liked me but was hesitant to pursue because of my age. I was disappointed but understood.

However Sam started always sitting in the chairs next to me. He texted me goodnight every night and when we were on a bench he would sit close enough that he was touching me (not sexually of course).

We became closer but every time that we would have a moment, the next few days he would ignore me (note: we all lived at this camp in staff housing).

It almost seemed like he was fighting himself about liking me.

This was very emotionally difficult for me and I started not sleeping well and barely eating. I would talk to my friends about it and get psyched up about breaking up with him but then we’d hang out and we cuddle and he’d hold my hand and I would just melt and not say anything to him.

Eventually the emotional strain was too much and I allowed distance to grow between us. We still spoke but I didn’t pursue spending time with him. A few times we talked about meeting up to talk for a bit (he took a second job towards the end of the summer and wasn’t around as much) and he stood me up. Three times. Then chalked it up to sleeping past his alarm. He didn’t even apologize.

At this point I was done. I was polite when he texted me but didn’t push or try to flirt.

We had never had a conversation about what we were but he made it pretty obvious when he pulled me in to snuggle or held my hand for hours. But then he’d be distant and it was really confusing.

After we hadn’t talked in about a week he asked me to come stay the weekend at his house. He said I could ‘stay in the guest room’. Of course I said no, but it was really weird. We’d talked about meeting up at his place to watch anime but never spending the night.

I know this is really is really long but this whole thing only ended recently and it still weighs on me. The sweater that Sam gave me is still my favorite.

I hope you ladies can give me advice or encouragement or just share your thoughts on my experience.

Thanks ❤️