I was sexually assaulted, abused, and raped from 13 to 16. I attempted January 2016 and landed in the ICU for 16 days.

I went to a leadership camp and it was there 2nd year. It was a very enjoyable experience on our own, but most people were very unhappy.

I am in nursing school and will graduate in spring. I am 21.

We all went. Our student life people from our college chose for all students to sleep in the unheated cabins (wooden shelter with bunks) instead of letting us go in the heated buildings to stay warm. All of the head staff slept in the heated buildings with bunks. There was plenty of room for everyone to fit and we found this out by the actual boss of the camp, who asked us why we weren't sleeping in the heated cabins. And that our staff chose for us to not.

I understand they want us to learn, but it was 38 degrees all nights and even less at times.

Also, they were very bossy. Instead of letting us learn, the staff literally told us to do this and that and even made our cabin clean the bathrooms. The camp students were not happy at all. The staff were very rude and acted like we were in jail. They actually made one student cry because of an activity about diversity.

It wasn't even about leadership fully. It was more of them finding busy work for us to do.

Anyways, for those who have been abused before, are you triggered by getting bossed around? This has never happened to me, and I enjoyed some of the camp, but because we didn't have freedom and they were very cold and controlling, I got triggered. It made me think of the power and control in my abusive relationship. I just had a suicidal breakdown because of it. It made me think of getting control and being forced by my perpetrator.

I also went from 30 to 40 mg of Citalopram (my only medication I am on) about 3 weeks ago. Could that increase be fucking with my mood? Or could it be a mix of the controlling behavior and lack of sleep? I am also on Nexplanon since March, so it is not my period since I do not get periods.

I feel horrible right now to be honest. I told my doctor last week that my depression has gotten worse, but she just told me to wait until 6 to 8 weeks and see if this increased dose kicks in and helps. It is just making me extremely sleepy right now. I am in counseling once a week, but a trigger or medication is not his job.

Ugh. It's exhausting... Anyone else?