Dear Doctor, (that humiliated me.)

You’re going to get away with it, what you said to me while I was lying on your table...still exposed with tears running down my face at my 39 week appointment still shaking from the pain.

I explained to you my sensitive situation and that getting a cervical check wasn’t easy for me emotionally and physically but I was going to try because you insisted. At 38 weeks the check was uncomfortable but I was able to handle it because I wasn’t dilated yet. With this being my first pregnancy I didn’t know that when I did finally dilate 1cm at 39 weeks that I would start hyperventilating with tears running down my face and quietly crying from the pain that you told me I was lying about.

I trusted you to understand my reaction and comfort me by simply telling me it’s okay, it’s over now. But instead with your hand still on my body you humiliated me and degraded me in front of my husband. I will never forget how small you made me feel.

“You’re going to have to use your grown-up mind because labor is going to hurt a lot more than than this.”

You went on to tell me that I’ll have to have a c-section if I can’t handle this. Berating me and shaming me instead of encouraging me. You made me feel like a bad soon to be mother and someone who you think is weak. I am not weak.

I have been through 6 years of infertility and miscarriages from pcos. I have nearly died after getting a D&C; from nearly bleeding to death. I have been abused and raped as a child. I made it through all those things and yes, sometimes I cry but I am strong. I didn’t have to get checked but I did it because you wanted me to.

I now have to switch doctors at 40 weeks. I now have to switch hospitals at 40 weeks because I can’t trust you anymore. You almost ruined the end of my pregnancy but I won’t let you spoil my birth. To all the other women out there I sincerely hope you know that its okay to cry. It doesn’t make you weak. 💜

I can’t believe a fellow women/mother could do this to one of her patients.