So tired of everything 😑

Tired of BFNs, tired of AF showing, tired of hoping every month, tired of testing early, tired of everything! Each month I tell myself I won't stress out, and each month I'm obsessed with DPOs, looking for symptoms and testing. I tell myself "I won't test early this month" and I always do. Each BFN I tell myself that maybe it's too early, and I'm crushed every time AF shows. This month is no different. I haven't tested yet, and AF is due in 2 days. And again I was hoping that it may be my month, and again I started cramping today, 2 days before AF, like I always do. And I'm probably out this month too, like always. And I'll probably buy a test on my way from work, and it'll be a BFN, and I'll still hope, and AF will show and I'll get crushed all over again. When will this obsession stop? Hoe do I stop myself from this destructive behavior? Sorry for the long rant, I really needed to vent 😣