Help Please???

I am a sahm with three kids. The father of my kids and I have been together for now 9 years. Last year we went through a rough patch and it lead to me leaving with the kids (only had 2 at the time). But after talking and me being away from him we got back together. Fast forward to a year later(now) it looks like we are going back to how we where. I really don't know if we are together jist because of the kids or if we really love each other. but I'm just tired of him always making me feel like it's my fault that we get to how we are (not talking, me in the living room and him in the room, he's doesn't even eat here anymore). And I tried talking to him a little while ago and he got dresses and left and said he didn't want to talk. My question is is it too late for me to be alone without feeling like shit. I want to feel independent away from him like feel like I don't need him.