Confused Ex Feelings 😢

When I was 16, I started dating my high school sweetheart, we were together for almost 4 years and were engaged right out of high school. He was (is) one of the sweetest guys in the world, and is a real catch, treated me like gold.

Well, I was young and dumb and became insecure about only ever being with one person, and decided we should take a break, he was devastated and I was complacent with being secure in us just getting back together. After a few months, he ended up finding someone else (the exact situation in "How to Be Single"), and it has been about five years since. We were friends for awhile and would call each other here and there to see how the other was doing. He was still dating her, and I had actually gotten married and had a child, but we could tell there was still something there. Fast forward to this past weekend, after him and I not talking for over a year, and I came across him and his girls wedding photos from last month (the girl he had found during our break).

I am now pregnant with baby #2 and engaged (divorced from my daughters father), and my fiancé is also one of the most amazing men in the world, and I love him dearly. But for whatever reason I am so devastated about my first love, and after seeing the wedding photos, I have found myself in tears a couple times. The worst part is, my mom still looks at him as the son she never had, and still TALKS TO HIM (every once in awhile).

Is it normal to feel this upset? Does this make me a bad person...wondering "what if" and so desperately wishing it had been me walking down the aisle with him? I hadn't even given him a thought in a long time until I saw those photos...