IS IT WRONG?

Question

i've been in a "relationship" with my SO for 3 years now.
before that, i was in a relationship for 3 years and spent a few months after the breakup until i met my now SO, at age 17. i'm now 20, will be 21 in 2 months.
i'm just getting into my career and i seriously feel like we're going in 2 different directions. from being so young i feel like i'm just starting to become who i'm supposed to be and he's dragging me down...but "love" right? i'm asking for advice from older women or someone who can relate. i've been through so much with this guy from the cheating, fighting, ending up in the hospital, etc. i just don't even want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. and not to lie all i do is work for 12 hours and come home to him (at MY place) so on my days off when i get the chance to go to the store so i can cook for us or just to get out the damn house and someone approaches me, i'm so flattered like wow i still got it, y'know?! i just feel stuck. after my first heartbreak and then when meeting him i thought i had it all figured out.

Answer

I'm 31 married now to the love of my life and our two daughters. If I didn't leave the men I wasn't supposed to be with I would not be with the right man.
Sometimes you can "love someone" but not be "in love with them" and that's ok! 
My first ex was abusive, months after leaving him I dated my other ex even got engaged but we were on different paths and he was holding me back and although I loved him and still hope the best for him he did nothing to have me feel "in love with him" or insured to be a better person.

Answer

First thing you really need to know is that cheating and feeling like someone is bringing you down, and general toxicity in a relationship, is not love. The person you're with should be loyal to you, should support you and lift you up, and bring positivity to enhance your happiness and life. Obviously, no one is perfect and there is no such thing as a perfect relationship but the things you do should never deliberately hurt the other person. If he sleeping with other women, that is deliberately hurting you. He may not be deliberately dragging you down, but that tells me that there's a mismatch of energy and vibes. That to me indicates to people who are not compatible. I think it's perfectly fine for you to break off this relationship and find what you're really looking for. You are maturing and you are finding out who you really are and what you really want. It is perfectly fine for you to leave behind anyone and anything that is no longer serving your highest good in life. I'm 40 years old and if I didn't let go of any person that was not in my best interest, I would not have found my fiancé today.

Answer

I was madly in love with someone when I was 18, thought i was gonna Marry him. Turns out he was cheating and we talked on and off for the next 3 ish years... GOD had my back and finally after years I’ve realized he’s not for me. I’m not for him. I truly believe there shouldnt be any cheating. How can you cheat if you are in love? I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and I am not the person I was before I had her, when I had her and even now. We are always revolving. If I would have stayed with the man when I met at 18. I wouldn’t have met my daughters father and If I would have stayed with her dad I wouldn’t be with the man I’m gonna marry! 
Change is apart of life and sadly we lose people but gain better! Doesn’t mean they won’t ever leave your heart but when you know you know it’s time to move on

Answer

I've been here. I fell in love with a man when I was 19 and didn't leave until I was 23. I knew for a long time that we were moving in different directions, and I think he did too. Ultimately holding on to something that we both wanted but wasn't quite right created more pain, stress, and heartache for us both. We are both happily married to other people 9 years later, and I hold a certain affection for him because there is enough distance from the heartache at the end of it all to heal. My mom gave me the best advice when I was finally ready to date again: she said to watch out for the red flags I had seen in that relationship and to run immediately when I saw them rather than forcing a solution. That advice steered me toward the love of my life. We have had wonderful times and tough times, we have moved across the country and made sacrifices to support each other's careers. The difference is that those decisions were deliberate, discussed, and neither of us ever felt like we were losing something. I fully believe you have to find the right person at the right TIME for you to be able to grow and change within a healthy relationship. Trust your gut and know that if you are yearning to grow right now, that means you also need to trust that the right person is on the other side of that growth.

Answer

Leave. you already seem like your ready and don't ever lower your standards and let someone slow you down. 
Before I met my husband I was in a 5 year relationship with a boy (yes boy he may have been older than me but he was not a man) who basically ticked me. He started off as this intelligent respectful guy who ended up using me to pay for his cars, school, and food. He emotionally abused me by telling me that he was the only guy who was there for me and that nobody would want me. He hit me a few times broke the things I worked for. And he cheated on me with soo many other women. I was successful, I was strong, I was independent and he broke me, he shattered me and made me believe love didn't exist.
The moment I left I lost a lot and then I met my husband and I lost everything else. But it was a good thing I lost everything that connected me to my ex and it allowed me to start fresh. And my husband treats me with love, respect, and motivates me to be who I want. He supports my decisions and encourages me to do more. He takes me places and through actions and words shows me how much he loves me. He is the reason why I believe in myself again, why I was able to love again, he is the reason I am strong. 
NEVER SETTLE...life is more than settling life is meant for us to create and succeed, to love and respect, and to support each other to do more. If you don't feel that passion leave it because it's only poison don't let him drag you down until you have nothing left.

Answer

read your post back to you, it seems you know the right answer. go with your gut. to me it doesnt sound healthy and you may "love" him but doesnt sound like you're "in love"? Do what you need to do for yourself, best wishes x

Answer

I dated a guy from 18-24 years old. Knew he wasnt who I should be with for many reasons. Finally ended it and met my current husband 4 months later. I knew pretty quickly that he was "the one". Now Im almost done with my PhD and my husband is 100% supportive. We got married this past June. You are still so young! Dont feel obligated to stay with someone. You deserve to do whats best for you!!!

IS IT WRONG?

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